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 here
is a story about a man who owned a large business. He felt responsible
for the hundreds of lives that were dependent on the health of the
business. He was a spirit driven man, that is one with an open heart,
who really cared for his workers. One day he showed up in his office
wearing a weird cap, one with two bills pointing in opposite directions.
It looked funny. Several of his immediate staff filed into his office
with puzzled smiles on their faces and asked him what in the world that
cap was about. He answered by taking the hat off and showing them the
writing on the front. It said, “I am their leader, which way did they
go?”
Columbine has come a long way since its birth. Let me give you a brief
history. In 1993, several families aided by assistance from First
Universalist Church, held the first services. Soon the church moved to
the “bunker”, a basement only building that was dark, but welcoming.
Then, I’m unsure whether it was before or after the move to this
building, Joel Miller was hired as the full time minister, with
financial help from the UUA program that supports new churches. Then
three extraordinary, frightening things happened that had a deep impact
on the fabric of the church. The first was on April 20, 1999. An
unprecedented killing of innocent students happened three blocks from
here, at Columbine High School. Joel and many others helped in many
ways, including supporting the students and families directly affected
from the church. In an unrelated, yet profound incident, a year later
two Columbine students were shot in cold blood during a robbery at the
Subway store a block from here. And then, finally, we had our own
experience of violence in the church itself, albeit emotional/
spiritual/ mental violence, not physical.
There were meetings of those distressed about our position as a
welcoming congregation and how we should handle the meeting in our
building of representatives of an organization that did not allow gays
in their midst. The outcome was to ask the Boy Scouts, the offending
organization, to leave as well as to put a sign up to declare our full
support of gays, lesbians, bisexual, and transgendered people. The
action and the sign met with mixed responses. The process, the violent
part, was angry and blaming. Many of our best and brightest left in the
midst of the recriminations that followed. It was uncomfortable for
many. It was this congregation at its least healthy moment. Fear,
misunderstanding, and angry conflict had taken over.
It is worth speculating about the role of the horrible violence nearby
on the exaggerated, angry conflict that evolved inside this room. We are
emotionally vulnerable to harm from such powerful darkness. We do not
escape spiritual consequences just by saying, “all that is in the past,
let it go.”
Over the five plus years since that time, much healing has happened. A
number of those who left have returned and have stepped back into
leadership positions again … for which we are deeply grateful. And,
during my four plus years as your half time minister, I believe that
healing has continued to work its wonder. Because of my background as a
therapist and facilitator, I was a good match for you at the time that I
was hired. The congregation needed nurturance and facilitation at that
time. There was a large emotional/spiritual deficit that needed to be
filled. That is where I concentrated my energies during my first 3 to 4
years as your minister.
Also, because I am a spiritually based person, one who believes in the
leading and messages of the heart and soul as much as the logic and
reason furnished by the brain, I brought spiritual leadership to you. To
put it into the context of our tradition, I awoke the Universalist part
of you.
But, and here is the good news, we are changing. Our needs are changing.
What I do and have done is no longer enough. You have grown. You don’t
need to have your corporate self esteem raised as much any more. You
don’t need to just practice the spiritual, healing side of life any
more. To paraphrase Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you have grown out of
the stage of needing to tend exclusively to your own journey, your own
needs, and are ready to lift your vision to the surrounding world and
tend to its needs, its hurts. You are ready to move from being what some
have called a club to being a real live church. And you are doing your
best to push me into leading you on to that new world. The message on
the cap is in front of my eyes, “I am your leader. Which way did you
go?” I’m coming. It will take my fastest sprint to get back to the head
of the column again, but I’m a good runner!
Let me put this into other words.
For hundreds of years, the Unitarian and Universalist churches have
provided leadership in the world around a number of profound social
issues. The creation and support of the Underground Railroad to bring
slaves out of the South into the free north. Women’s rights generally,
and women’s suffrage in particular. (Remember, it has been well less
than a hundred years since the 19th Amendment was ratified in Aug. of
1920). The creation of a World Parliament of Religions. The Civil
Rights Movement in the 1950’s and 60’s. And, more recently, the cause of
equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered folks. Plus
our support for the environment and the great variety of movements and
programs created over the years to assist the disenfranchised in our
society. Those have been our causes, our work in the world, over these
last 200 years or so.
But there is also the important INNER work, the transforming work inside
of each person who is a UU, that is necessary for us to, in turn,
transform that hurting world.
The state of our souls is equally important to the state of the world.
In order to bring true healing energy to the world, i.e. before we can
take effective social action, we must clean up our own house. We must
work to be healthy, pro active individuals first, then we can join
together and form a healthy church, or any other organization. Then we
can act powerfully in the world. If we skip a step, we run the risk of
acting from ego rather than spirit, from self seeking goals, rather than
serving the human community. Let me say more.
Each of us, to me, is made up of body, mind, and spirit. And each of us
is at a particular point on the continuum of health at any given moment
ranging from very unhealthy to very healthy and every point in between.
A practicing alcoholic on one end, a realized yogi on the other. You get
the picture. Churches fit on a continuum of health as well.
At the low point of the crisis that I described earlier, we were on the
far unhealthy end, a dysfunctional, painful place to be. Today we are
somewhere in the middle, I would guess, somewhere on our journey to the
far opposite end of radical health and well being. That is a big reason
for the Long Range planning process that is taking place right now,
asking us to declare “who are we, who do we want to be?”
Do we want to be forever small so that we can always know everybody and
predict how we will behave? Or do we want to step outside our circle of
safety and take risks in order to grow into a dynamic church that can
help transform the community? The answer depends, in part, on our
measure of health. Healthy individuals and healthy groups tend to take
risks. Risk moving out of the familiar into the unknown. They are
willing to take such risks because deep down in their souls they feel
happy, loved, and safe in the world.
A large part of feeling such well being is related to the presence of
spirit. If I know that I have been “loved since before the beginning,” I
am ready to leap off high mountains. If I know deep in my soul that I am
an integral part of this vast universe, that I am related to all living
things on this earth as well, that we are all brothers and sisters, then
I have an experience of being connected that nurtures me to my core.
Which in turn gives me the perspective and confidence to act
compassionately.
From that compassionate center, I, as an individual, am deeply prepared
to reach out to others IN LOVE. A church community that lives from such
a place is prepared to take transformative social action together til
the cows come home.
Let’s move from my thoughts about healthy congregations to those of
other Unitarian Universalists.
One of our most respected ministers who is also a writer is Tom Owen-Towle.
He has recently written, “Growing a Beloved Community: Twelve Hallmarks
of a Healthy Congregation.” A summary of those healthy characteristics
include:
Occupy holy
ground. A church is not a social club, but rather a place where
people are called out of their daily routines for a sacred purpose.
Welcome all
souls. Offer an open door to everyone, then lovingly attend to those
who choose to stay.
Give
EVERYONE a voice. Democracy requires the sharing of power.
Encourage
unity amidst diversity … be diverse without becoming divided.
Balance
justice and joy. Do good works but take time for fun as well.
Spread our
good news … communicate our faith.
Practice
respect and care of each other.
Nurture the
stewards….the ones who keep the church spiritually, financially, and
programmatically afloat.
Keep
journeying ... resist the temptation to get too comfortable.
Another snapshot of a healthy congregation comes from programs found on
the UUA web site. One of these, for small congregations in particular,
has this quote:
“It is important to emphasize the difference in orientation from one of
“church membership” to that of “personal ministry”:, from the consumer
orientation where members expect the organization to deliver them
spiritual care, to that of contributing one’s unique talents and gifts
to others through a sense of personal ministry.”
One of Tom Owen-Towles’s hallmarks is to practice respect and care of
each other. And that is the final point to which I would like to return.
As I have often spoken, a fundamental measurement of the health of any
group is how they communicate with, and about, each other. When
communication is open and direct, when members are saying directly,
kindly to someone with whom they are upset the nature of that upset, and
the person receiving the communication is receptive, respectful, and
non-defensive, we know all is well. When triangulation, pettiness,
veiled criticism, and outright blame is our way of communicating, things
are not working well. It is a prime measurement of our health and well
being. As we Unitarian Universalists champion diversity, and insist
everyone’s voice be heard, and that everyone’s beliefs and ideas have
value, it is more incumbent on us than almost any other religious group
to honor differences. The key to doing so is what I referred to earlier
in this sermon. If I am operating in the world principally from ego, I
may believe that what I have to say is right with a capital R and that
what others have to contribute is not as important. From an ego center,
I might spurn the needs of others or the community as a whole, in favor
of my own needs. But if I am operating from spirit, from a place of
openmindedness and love, I will see that I am a part of a whole, and
that true strength evolves out of the unity of the gathered covenanted
community. And I, and each of us, has a personal responsibility to
continue to build that unity. As it is stated in our covenant:
“We will treat each other with respect, compassion, and kindness.
We will listen to and honor each other’s contributions.
We will acknowledge and address disagreements openly and gently,
expressing our concerns directly with those involved.
We will accept responsibility for our part in making this spiritual
community everything we want it to be.
We make these covenants with love in our hearts for each other and with
a sincere desire to make the world around us better for our being here.”
There are many measurements of our health and well being right now, and
few of our deficits. Our lay leadership is skilled and strong, we are in
the middle of a well designed planning process, there are a number of
small groups that are flourishing and contributing to a deeper quality
of life for many, we have a strong, active committee on ministry, our
worship services are satisfying, our religious education program is
vital and growing, and so on. It is up to each one of us to continue the
trend.
That is what I believe can happen from our recent ill fated
congregational meeting. We are growing emotionally as a result of
conflict. We are stretching. We are learning new perspectives. There is
some pain, but what is the saying, no pain no gain. We gained a new
energy and passion to get busy in the world. And, partially as a result
of that gain, and a number of those other measurements of how we are
doing, I pronounce us, Columbine Unitarian Universalist Church, as on
the road to excellent health and well being. We have not arrived, we may
never fully arrive, but we are on the journey.
Thus, may we take this time to sit in meditation … reflecting upon the
question, “how can I best contribute to the health and well being of
this church?"
Pastoral Prayer
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